I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
