someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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