You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My bed smells like the plague
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
