heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
