I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
