I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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