i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
