end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
