i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
