Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
