I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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