i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My butt remains clenched, sir.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
