That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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