I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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