I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
