By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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