oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
