I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
