is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Text me some of your sweat
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
