you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
