At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We are all done wearing pants today
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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