I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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