Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
