He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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