pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
