My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
