I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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