He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
