life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
