Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
