For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
