"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
