i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
