I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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