I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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