I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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