Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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