I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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