I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
