life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
