I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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