why do cheetos always look like penises
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
