How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
