we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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