Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
