wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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