how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
