what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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