god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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