I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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