What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
