I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
