What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
